I had a lovely week or so around Easter. There was no sadness and the anxiety diminished day by day, though often haunted me at night making sleep rather broken.
So what changed?
I had been starting to exercise a little and it definitely helps. Often it is just on the Wii fit in the evening so hardly strenuous but I have been running a bit too which also gets me outside and On My Own.
The next change has been an agreement with A that I will get one night off a week if at all possible. What this tends to mean in practice is A sleeps all night and if the kids wake, I still deal with them but I sleep better because I know I don't have to deal with them or if it turns into a saga with whichever child (or both...), I don't need to feel any guilt over getting A to help/take over.
And the last change has been a bit of sun. Wasn't it nice to see blue sky and a feel vaguely like it might be warm again one day! We have a grotty little room at the back of our house called the "sun room". The roof leaks, the carpet is going mouldy, the woodwork is falling to pieces. I'm really not sure what the people who put it up were thinking. Except for a few weeks around this time each year. It isn't warm outside but my goodness, it is roasty toasty in that room! Ahhhh.
Take any of these away and I do start to melt down again. The past few days have taken them all away while I have been too poorly to exercise (a cold and a crazy allergic reaction. Don't ask. Or do, if you want a really embarrassing, ridiculous tale of woe!), utterly shattered (see the poorly bit. Plus G being more poorly than me and keeping me up a lot) and the sun went away. And I cried and I shouted at the kids over nothing and...sigh. But but but. Today, I didn't cry at all. I'll take that!
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